Archive for July, 2010

If I didn’t, I really don’t care, I totally loooove this version of the song. Enjoy your weekend, everyone ! Happy watch and have a laugh, k ? I know it makes wrinkles but totally worth !!! *smiles widely

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The jungler

The sudden beat of drums started so suddenly that she almost jumped on her feet.

She had been trying to find hr way out of the jungle for so long, she couldn’t even remember for how long she had been lost.

The drums became louder and then got interrupted by a sudden scream. Not sure whether it came form a human throat or another kind of entity, she carefully drew closer, led by her curiosity and hide among the thick bushes.

At first she could only notice a campfire. Then, she notices some vague figures sitting around and finally she realised they were all males, of different ages. There were really young child and old looking man as well.

The scream, however, had come from the eldest of them, standing beside the campfire, in the middle of the circle formed by the other sitting males.

She looked around and wondered if there was even another female soul around, but before she could even process that thought, she fell the old man’s eyes looking deep into hers, across the leaves that had been her shelter. Another will overcame her own, and her feet led her across the man and near to the fire. The old man screamed again, even though at her ears it now sounded more like music than a scream… and she started dancing.

She danced and danced at the old man songs, sometimes coming closer to one of those men, other getting so close to the campfire she could feel her feet literally burn. From time to time, a man would grow older and older and would leave the circle, only to be replaced by a young child who eventually turned into a young adult, then into another old man.

For centuries she danced, round and round knowing the only one who was aware of her presence was that same oldest one who kept singing as if he didn’t need to rest. As if she also needed no rest from dancing.

Then, as sudden as it had started in the beginning of times, the drums became silent all at the same time. Instead of the campfire cracking, she was now listening to waves and feeling her feet wet, while just a second ago they were almost burning with the heat.

She looked at the endless ocean in front of her and knew she had escaped from the jungle. Now, the time had come for her to dive and swim towards her next journey.

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Love story

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Letting go

She woke up feeling the sand beating hard on her face. She remembered the night had been very quiet, a sudden breeze here and there that had made her take refuge inside her sleeping bag. Most of all, she kept in herself the sound of the waves singing all night at her ear, so close they were.

She slowly opened her eyes and reached for him, who had fell asleep right beside her. As her mind woke up at its own pace, she noticed his sleeping bag had rolled a few meters away, but was empty.

She shouted his name, and only silence replied to her. So, she scrawled out of her temporary bed and – barefoot – took some steps towards the high dunes ahead. As she walked, the rough small rocks beneath her feet became pebbles which turned into softer sand. Still half asleep, she lost track of time, going up and up the sandy dune which somehow had become a sandy hill, somehow.

He was standing on the top of it, his arms crossed against his bare chest, not looking at the beach some meters down but beyond, across the endless sea. She noticed how taller he seemed to had grown and smiled at the thought of their first meetings, back when she felt like she had the whole world to show him. She started running to hug him from behind, however her feet froze when she noticed his brand new wings, growing at his own pace, becoming stronger and spreading broader and broader.

Mother’s hand touched her shoulder, as if saying it was yet time to wait. So she waited. Her feet grounded on Earth, she stood still and felt all the seasons of the year coming and going. She paid attention as the sand on the beach downwards changed colours, as the wind became freezing and the whole place was covered with snow. She smiled at the shy bushes coming into live and blossoming into luxurious tropical-like flowers.

Still she didn’t move a muscle, nor did he. They were both aware of each other’s presence, of them being close and yet so far away from one another – and that was probably the reason why none of them took a single step towards the other.

Time went by, inexorably, and seasons came and then were gone. Again. She felt herself drying and turning into a rock, melting with Mother. Soon, she wouldn’t be able to move a single finger. She sighed, for the moment had arrived. “Just go and fly away before both our lives are but a waste* she tried to shout at him, her throat rusted from inactivity. He listened to what she was telling him, and he knew she was right, yet he stubbornly kept standing there.

Mother’s hand slowly moved away from her shoulder, and set her free. That exact same moment, she knew that it had to be her doing the painful choice. With mind and soul telling her different things, her feet started to walk at their own will, slowly at the beginning, then faster and faster.

Inside of her, her mind started screamed that she should stop and give them both some more time. She ignored her own screams, knowing this was the right moment. It was totally useless to keep waiting. It was totally up to her to let go, and so she run the last few meters that kept them away and pushed him from the high dune hill, watched as he stumbled, tried to get back on his feet and slided faster and faster downwards, her heart beating hard and tears running through her face before for some reason.

Then, his wings flapped for the first time. Very slowly, in an insecure way, but still pushing him up to a safe height. Her heart nearly stopped as she felt how hesitating he still was, how hard for him it was to decide what to do.

His wings flapped again and she knew that he was now feeling the morning hot breeze in his face. He looped up and down for several times, trying up his new skills and testing how strong those wings could be. Then, for a moment, he floated before her, and she knew she would never forget that lost and sad look all over him. Ever.

He turned away slowly, very slowly, and let himself go along the soft wind. On her turn, she felt Mother was hugging her tight and whispering wise, sensible words.

Yes, it would be hard to let him go. It would be painful, it would hurt as hell and she would feel tempted to raise once again those familiar high walls between her and the world. But the time had come to set him free, Mother was telling her over and over. She would survive. Again. She would even grow stronger. Again. And one day, she would wake up and would feel no more tears running through her cheeks.

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Hot Summertime

I know, everyone on the northern hemisphere keeps complaining that it’s too hot and everyone’s just waiting for Fall to come or even Winter.

So… What about a fresh summer fruit salad ? *laughs

Hair: >TRUTH< Julia Streaked – copper
Skin: *Leafy*Miso Loom
Face Tatoo: [Stellar] Freckle Face Tattoo
Nails: seshil nail flower purple
Dress: Lemania Indigo Designs- Orange Julius (includes shoes not shown in the pic)
Pose by dfo!

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Roles and Masks

Yeaps, I know. The not-so-serious-phase was just but a short break. Sorry about that, I promise I will keep publishing happy pictures, don’t worry. The thing is, I cannot stop my grey cells from running on their own and this usually results in some thoughts that I need to “put on paper”. Thirty years ago, I woud write them on a diary, these days I write them on my laptop and click on a button so the whole world can read them.

After such a preamble, let’s get to the point. In our lives, we all have diferent roles to play – and yes, I know this is nothing new. Those different roles lead us to act differently during the day, according to the situation and the context we find ourselves in – which is in itself just common sense.


Some people are so afraid of rejection or depend so much on someones elses’ approval that they go beyond what we would call “playing the role as best as you can”. In fact, they push it to the limit, put on masks and start behaving in each situation in the way they know they will fulfill others’ expectations. This borns obviously out of maturity or insecurity and lead them to become the “perfect employee”, the “ideal boyfriend”, the “best of friends”, the “dream son”. In turn, they give up being themselves, even without realising it, and begin to be someone else, little by little, loosing their own identity and becoming just a reflex of other people’s needs and wishes.

In the process, they don’t even understhand that they actually are lying and pretending before each and every person they meet. Until a point where, for some circumstance, they are forced to drop the mask or simply are not strong enough to carry it further.

I make no judgements, or at least I try not to. I still believe that each and everyone has the right to live his/her own life as he/she thinks it better. However, just in case you recognised yourself in the description above, let me just allert you for two simple facts:
– you will never be happy inside, only frustrated, needed and insecure most of the time
– you will hurt a lot of people. In fact, I would go totally radical in here and say that sooner or later you will tend to hurt everyone around you.

Just because you are human, and what you are asking from yourself is just way too much for your body mand mind t bear with it always and forever.

This said, I would suggest that you have a deep and sincere look inside of yourself (which will not always be the most pleasant of sights, I know that though my own experience) and try to go back to your own personality. Yes, you will cease to please everybody, you will disappoint one or another that are close and this will deffinitely bring you out of your comfort zone.

But at the end of the day, you’ll be able to find answers inside of you other that “I don’t know”. You will see how complete you are, fullfilled and ready to face live according to your own feelings and believings. And at the end of the day, those who really love you will still be around, available to take you exactly as you are and to love the real person in you.

Masks - a temporary installation @ Never Never

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Some colour

I am very well aware this blog has been all too serious lately. So, time to put some colours around, and introduce you to two of my recent fave outfits, hoping that they may help your own shopping sprees:

Hair: [Aden] Autumn (Hazel)
Skin: .:::GARAGE:::. Elli skin
Dress: BeBe DoLL Designs – Dina Dress
Ring: {theosophy} Melville Ring
Scarf: Adjunct – Bohemian Scarf
Socks: [bubble] Lace Knee Bands
Sandals: {theosophy} Dowlais Sandal (River)
Pose by dfo!

Hair: !lamb. Soma – Rotten Carrot
Skin: .::TD::. Sweet Augustine – 5 -S.O.S Exclusive – Fire Engine
Freckles: [Stellar] Freckle Face Tattoo
Hands tattoo: [Plastik]-Feather-Faded-
Dress: Mimikri – Calypso (black)
Socks: **Malizz Yiyuan creation**GirlySocks(orange)
Flats: ShinyThings – Criss cross ballet flat (black)
Bangles: Topaz Square~Black Bangles~ Fem
Necklace: YUM *Candyum Necklace
Pose by dfo!

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This subject has been hanging around in my mind for some days already but it has not been easy to compile my own thoughts about it.

Anyway, first of all, my own conceipt of a virtual partnership is: each and every more or less official marriage/partnership/whatever that exists only for other people to think of yourself as a part of a couple, when in reality you don’t feel you are in a couple.

Difficult to understand ? So let me put it this way… as a girl on my mid fourties I had several virtual partnerships – in my First Life. In my Second Life, I was partnered only to Petros Miklos until recently, and we were also together in our First Lives. And that happened because I felt at a point that I could look ahead and actually see us building something together… for real.

What I mean is… no matter where it happens, if you’re not really strongly connected to the other part of the couple and feel you are both walking the same path, well… you are living a virtual partnership.

In Second Life, I see couples become partners every day and de-partnerising the day after and I just wonder… what is this ? A let-me-break-your-heart-before-you-break-mine sort of game ? In Second Life, I see people getting partnered with someone when they are supposedly madly in love with someone else in their First Live. On the other hand, I know a couple who is together for over three years now and they never got partnered n SL. And yes, I totally admire them. If you can’t actually have the whole person by your side, what really is the use of having his/her name on your profile ? And obviously, I feel exactly the same towards First Life… if you cannot count on the person who is supposedly by your side, why do you keep his/her name on your ID or passport ? Is it really that important that the world thinks that you’re married, partnered or something ?

Well, I’m afraid that doesn’t work for me. Of course, this is only my personal opinion on the subject. But as I don’t like to be called a “girlfriend” or “wife” of someone who is not really there for me when I need it, well I really find it odd to have, in Second Life, the “partner” field filled with a name of someone who, however close he or she might be… is not really with me. Someone I cannot call at any moment of day or night and tell how I feel, someone whose shoulder is not really there when I need it, someone who really doesn’t take me out for dinner and movies, for instance, someone who doesn’t really share those lil things of my daily life that composes the building of a real coupleship.

It’s probably my fault, that I don’t draw any lines between FL and SL and I feel them just as different parts of my whole life. The way I see it… if I am independent and self-sufficient enough with dealing with my own issues, so why do I need the world to think I am with someone ?

I don’t. And this is the reason why I don’t intend to partner anyone in Second Life – nor in my First Life, for what that matters. Because in fact… I am free, I adjust to situations as I can and solve my own troubles so why should I need a name attached to me when, at the end of the day, he/she is not really there for me when I need him/her?

For those things, I have my friends, to whom I turn whenever in need and whenever they are themselves in the mood to listen to me. They are also there to ask me to go out to theaters, dining out, etc. Plus,I think I grew used to sleep on my own in this large bed 😀

Call me selfish – I am, and proud of it. You don’t have to like me, or my feelings on the subject. I am sorry if that happens, it just means that in fact I was not able to put it in a way that you, my reader, can understand.

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At the very beginning of mankind, people were only able to communicate with those who were near – using gestures, facial expressions, body talk, etc. Eventually, words started to appear (don’t ask me, I know nothing about that, though I’m quite curious about how they felt that those first means of communication were not enough).

Words allowed people to communicate more easily, and as they travelled to settle in new lands, they brought along stories who passed from generation to generation.

However, a really looong time had to go through until someone started representing word sounds with drawings which were carved in wood, leaves of plants, etc – writing enters the stage.

This is where I want to get to… being able to write, made it easier to communicate with people who were not that physically nearby. Across times, all sorts of writing messages were carried to and from by messengers and then someone actually had a brilliant idea and launched the post service. A huge step ahead to the 20th century, and who never heard about the love letters between soldiers in the world wars and their families back home? More than that, it’s not only in the movies that people cross oceans barely knowing each other – our great great parents were doing that in their real lives all the time. Going a bit even further, who never had a pen pal ? People we never met and who however told us all about their lives… and vice-versa. Well, I had lots of them, lol.

Next step: the internet came along. And suddenly, with just a few clicks, you were able to actually send messages that would be replied after a short while. Along with that came a all bunch of communication means like chat rooms et all, which live connected people inhabiting opposite sides of the world, often none of them using their mother tongue to communicate – and yes, this easily leads to all sorts of misunderstandings, as stated by Looker and I couldn’t agree more. Typing and writing can be very tricky, even when both people speak the same language, so just imagine what can happen when they don’t.

Of course, web cams followed close and helped people to actually speak to and see each other, no matter how far they were in this planet called Earth. That was no doubt a major step, being able to look at another person who stood behind this other screen, somewhere in the world, being immediately aware of the effect that exchanged words had on the other one, realising instantly whenever you had not be able to express correctly what you meant.

This is, basically, the world we live in today. A world where you network and start relationships with all kind of people all across the world through several ways, from social networks, to virtual words, to skyping and gtalking, etc. At a point that the world becomes this small village where you keep meeting the same persons over and over again in different spots, who on their turn are also connected to people you already met in some any other place.

There… now I can go back to my first sentence in this post. I have been all over the net during these past 13 years or something (and yes, I was not an early starter, lol) and have tried most, if not all, those different types of communicating with the world.

But you know what ? Nothing really compares to having the real person in front of you. For as much as you can say that you know someone really well, and almost guess her/his souls and thoughts quite easily – well, in my opinion that only really happens when you actually face with them, in all 3D, able to use all your senses to realise what is really being communicating.

And I am not at all giving less value to virtual/net communication. If it wasn’t for that, I would had never crossed paths with people that came to have a major role in my life. I am just saying that if and when you have the chance of doing it, go and meet the person you chat with or type with. Bring the person near as our ancestors did and meet them in flesh and blood. I cannot assure you that you will always be pleasantly surprised… but definitely, nothing beats the most basic and primary means of communication.

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