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Archive for June, 2010

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As the sun slowly fell down, I went back to the beach I once called “mine”. I took my sandals off and felt the ocean moving slowly under my naked feet. It was still more than worm, a promising summer night approaching and I was being so careful not to get my new white dress all too wet.

The smoothness of the soft small waves kissing my skin was simply too intense, and at a point I almost fell on my knees as my legs started shaking. Undecided on whether to try getting on my feet again or simply letting me go with the sea, I heard the whisper of seagulls far above my head.

I paid attention to what they were saying and realises they were actually talking to me, allerting me to the ball of fire that had materialised a couple of meters behind me and was approaching slowly.

I was up again, even before I could consciously notice it, and look backwards. To my eyes, there was no ball of fire, only a child in a white dress pretty much resembling my own, dancing and jumping in between the coming and going of the flow of water.

It didn’t scare me, quite the opposite. The loneliness I had been feeling for so long suddenly started making sense and offered only tranquility and serenity. I turned my back at the happy child and went on strolling around over the wet sand. But then, I became aware she was catching me quite fast, and there was nothing I could do to prevent it. I slowed my pace down and waited for her to come closer… she could have some kind of message, maybe she was lost from her parents, perhaps I could help her in some way…

Instead, as her steps came by, her warmth also began to reach me. At each step she took, I felt like she was moving at light speed and suddenly she had turned into that ball of fire which the seagulls had told me about.

She came too close, then… and melted into me. For a moment only, we were just one as flames wrapped up my entire body and soul. It took me just a second to realise that we really were the same being.

As this tought crossed my mind, I understood she was leaving me, going now ahead of me, playing with the small waves and grabing handfuls of sand, which instantly dryed as she caught them. Slowly, the ball of fire started vanishing from deep inside of me, and only this special, different warm, remained.

I was following her now, the child that I once was and still lived inside of me in spite of everything that had happened… last year, two years ago ? I had lost track of time, and couldn’t care less that I had, by now.

She speeded up again, moving so fast I had not the strenght to follow her steps, but just before she totally disappeared from my sight I still could see her her turning back to me, waving, and sending me a message of hope and happiness.

She was gone now. However, at the sametime, she had remained in me, which was also obvious to my inner self. Then, I just new it was time to move ahead and that I would never be left alone for another single day in my life.

PS – this story will have a picture, sooner or later, for it already exists in my mind. It’s just a question of finding the time to set everything up. Apparently, I am writing again my simple short stories, hope you don’t mind me sharing them with you once in a while.

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I have had my ups and downs. These last couple of years, well, I was mostly down, and didn’t even bothered much in hiding my state of mind, even though this blog and Second Life™ have been quite efficient ways to drift me away from a series of events that are yet far from being over.

This day, I feel balance coming closer by the minute. And even though I am not very much into advising (being opinative is quite a different thing, lol) I decided to share some of the scatered lessons life has taught me during these recent times. Who knows, they may be useful to others. If not, well, they will no doubt be useful for myself since from now on I will be able to come here and remind me of some important matters:

So here it goes, a bit of my acquired experience:

* Each one of us is the only responsible for our own lives. Therefore, don’t let any one else, whoever that person may mean to you, take control over it. Just don’t. Or you’ll be seriously f***ed up, sooner or later.

* Love yourself in the first place. And in the second. AND in the third. Even if you’re a parent, understand that your child(ren) are human beings on their own and that they will learn their own lessons, in spite of all the efforts you may develop to protect them.

*Love for the others will come as a result. Others will love you as a result of you loving yourself.

*But. Love comes and love goes. In the broader sense of the conceipt, this applies to all types of relationshis. I regret to inform, feelings don’t last forever and they change along the time. Thus, on one side don’t ever take no one or anything for granted in your life. But then again, be also ready to accept that the people you rely upon may just turn their back on you whenever you need most.

*Listen to yourself. Carefully. Your body always has a word to say, your heart as well. Then, follow the paths they show you – and yes, I am aware that far too often they say opposite things, so…. give them both a try, then go back and start all over again.

*Be yourself. Each and every moment. Don’t blame yourself if something went wrong, cause blame is just a social conceipt rooted inside our personalities to keep us “in line”. We all make mistakes, but most of the time we just do whatever we need to do at a certain point. Life is not a popularity game, those who really care will be there for you exactly as you are. The others, pfffft… if they are not, it’s just a sign they were not worth of it.

*Find professional help if needed. Not one of us is a superman or a wonderwoman and therapists are not only for “insane people”. They actually help you find your way back to yourself, when you are at a lost (edited and added after talking to a friend, thought this was really important too).

*Most of all, try not to give up. It is hard and I know it from my own experience – often, it really feels much easier just to let everything drown around. However, there are always ways to go back and start anew. Happiness comes from the inside of you, not the other way round. So… look for things or people that fulfill your soul and give you good vibes. Learn from them, grow up each day and yes, you’re fully entitled to to whatever you feel or need to do with your life – because you are a human being.

Every angel inside and thank you rio for being such an inspiration

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You know those photo contests where voters have to pay 20 L$ to vote for a certain vote and at the end the winner takes 50kL$? (and of course, the organizer takes at least the doube of it ? LOL).

So, my friend Ewokian Pessoa entered a contest like that, called Summer Photo Contest. I went to vote for him,looked at the pictures around and wondered… why not ? Of course I will not spend thousands of lindens for the chance to eventually win 50k. But if I win I surely will divide the prize equally with all those who voted for my picture, which sounds totally fair (and I will respect weighted voting, hehehehe -the more you vote, the more you win, cause the prize will be divided by number of votes, not by number of avis who came to play). Just have to send me a notecard with a copy of your transaction and yuo’ll be in my notecard.

The picture I put in the contest is this one…yeap,a simple one but you have to see the others in contest, hehehehe.

Just in case you have 20L$ to spare (I mean, vote, looool) and two free minutes, you’re welcome to enjoy the “show” at aWear Headquarters.

Yours trully,
Summer W

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My overloaded FL has been giving me the blues about the time I spent on my own in SL. This picture, celebrating Zaara‘s sales, should have been shot about five days ago at least, lol.

But yesterday, I finally found two minutes to take it, and today another two to crop it and collect the due credit details. So here it is… hoping that in a near future I’m able to return to the things I really enjoy doing inworld (having fun fun fun, loool):

Credits:
Hair: >TRUTH< Michelle – carrot
Skin: .::TD:: Dinah in Fall – Toast autumn
Necklace: JZ design – Angie Wrapped Pearl Necklace *white*
Bangles: Gypsy Jewel Bracelet White by AliciaKay Kilara
Top: Zaara ZC : 4 Kavi top *charcoal*
Skirt: Zaara ZC : 8 Larin Skirt prims *copper-rust*
Sandals: INTERAZZO Sandal "Goddess" (l) brown-silver
Pose by [doll.]

Open source wall paper

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Holding still

Just because I couldn’t sleep, this song playing in my mind over and over again… maybe I am now able to exorcise it.

David Fonseca and Rita Red Shoes, in one of my all time faves: Hold Still

In this little town
cars they don’t slow down
The lonely people here
They throw lonely stares
Into their lonely hearts

I watch the traffic lights
I drift on Christmas nights
I wanna set it straight
I wanna make it right
But girl you’re so far away

Oh, hold still for a moment and I’ll find you
I’m so close, I’m just a small step behind you girl
And I could hold you if you just stood still

I jaywalk through this town
I drop leaves on the ground
But lonely people here
Just gaze their eyes on air
And miss the autumn roar
I roam through traffic lights
I fade through Christmas nights
I wanna set it straight
I wanna make it right
But man you’re so far away

Oh, I’ll hold still for a moment so you’ll find me
You’re so close, I can feel you all around me boy
I know you’re somewhere out there
I know you’re somewhere out there

Oh, hold still for a moment and I’ll find you
You’re so close, I can feel you all around me
And I could hold you if you just stood still
Oh, I’ll hold still for a moment so you’ll find me
I’m so close, I’m just a small step behind you
I know you’re somewhere out there
I know you’re somewhere out there
I know you’re somewhere out there

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Reconnecting

I look at my flickr stream and become suddenly aware it’s been quite populated lately, which is at least a bit odd for someone who became so anti-social as I did. However, I started to open IMs to some people that are or were meaningful and with whom I still feel related to, just to send them kisses, hugs or simply wishing them good evening (not yet too ready for long and deepest conversations, though, lol).

Moreover, I invited some of these people over to meet my place and have a look at the lovely sim I share with my forever ones. And yes, i really enjoyed it, having people around, even if 3 at the same time in the same place seems to be my current limit, hehehe.

Along the way, I reconnect to old friends who kept their place in my contact list and my heart and even met some new really interesting people. I know I will need a period of loneliness after all this but for the moment… oh boy, it feels great to be alive !

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