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Posts Tagged ‘Soul’

Home in SL

Today I returned home in SL. To be totally honest, I cannot quite remember how long had it been since the last time I had been there. For the last couple of months I’ve been passing most of my time in-world at Ephemeria – which no longer exists as I built it.

Life has its own timings, I guess. In a way, it is curious that the same day I signed a new rental in FL, I also receive a note from my SL landlord saying I was delayed in paying the tiers, which I had totally forgotten to do. It’s great that at ACS theya re very organized, that way I could simply remove my things and abandon the land.

Anyway, I couldn’t help finding it a bit odd that I was writing dismissal letters both in FL and in SL. With a mixed feeling of sorrow and hope I became conscious that I am moving on and choosing my path, which I expect will be healthier and happier than this last stage of my life.

In SL, I am obviously keeping my home and land in 100Limite and have no intentions of letting it go. At ground level, I might have my neighbours complaining about my sometimes odd tastes in landscaping and building, but there’s where I will now set up the scenarios for my pictures.

In FL, I am finally going back to a proper appartment, after a year and half in a temporary location which was my refuge from a world that I sensed as a threat but actually looks more like a bunker than like a home, lol. My future bedroom will have TWO windows, and oh boy for someone who hasn’t seen much of the day light at home this is a luxury!

But in a way, I am sorry to leave from there. My current landlord is the mother of a dear friend whom I first met in-world. They were a huge help and probably saved my life… and I mean it literally. They gave me a place to hide when my whole life came apart and my fears overwhelmed my senses.

It’s time to move on, however. Now that I finally accepted that my ex-partner is dishonest enough to want me to pay half the house while he asks the court to grant him the whole place with no reimboursement to me, I had to face the fact that I totally misjudged him and for eight years was able to love him and his daughters dearly. I guess that we all make those kinds of mistakes, once in a while in our lives. In a way, I pity him for not being able to support himself and his family and for having to take advantage of other people in order to fulfil his basic needs.

Me, on the other hand, I am on my feet again, in spite of his attempts to bring me down. I am being helped to trust myself again, and I was lucky enough to find this amazing guy who has been standing by my side in so many dark moments, supporting me in every possible way.

Bah, I didn’t intend o write such a long post lol. I belive I needed to landmark the moment, that’s all. I have my head full of images of my new place now and yeah, some of them are a bit… different, let’s say hehehe. In time and with a lil help I will be able to set it up the way I would like it to be. We shall see. Yesterday, I was smiling just before I fell asleep… you know the feeling when you’re coming back home ?

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I’ve been running from my own thoughts, these last couple of months. Keeping myself away from things I don’t want to think, feelings I don’t want to feel. Have been busy as hell, doing this and that and feeling the more I do the more things I leave undone.

It’s a bit useless, though. One day, you stop for a while and all these thoughts and feelings trap you. All they need is a window of opportunity and here they are again, pushing you against a wall of confusion, anger and fear. Then you know that maybe it is time to stop. To re-organise your life and your drawers. To make a break and go some place else. To have a deep look inside of yourself and face all those nasty little monsters that play seek and hide with your mind and soul.

Yes, there is no use in running from problems. Instead, you have to acknowledge them, and deal with them. They will not go away just because you don’t want to think about them – and wherever you go they will follow you.

Therefore – stop. You can either live with them or you can’t. And if you can’t, well… get that lazy butt off that chair and solve them once and for all! Do whatever you need to, cut the remaining roots if you still didn’t and move on. Oh, don’t look at me with that face, i do know it hurts like hell – but how long do you honestly think you can live with those unsolved matters?

Stop busying yourself with things that are just accessories. Work is not, health is not, as the special people in your life are not. Those should be your priorities. All of the rest, it’s things you will do on your spare time – do you need a definition of spare?

I look around and see work waiting for me. Plurk unattended. Conversations with my kid still waiting for the light of day. Lots of clothes and accessories to be shot and published. Talks with my guy left unspoken. Pictures to be taken, treated, posted. Posts to be written and books to be read. News to be watched. Walks by the sea to be taken. Taxes to be submitted.

No use running, sweetie. There are things that don’t depend on you alone, and those you have to endure as they are. However, there are others just waiting for you to take some steps. Will you do them?

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Yesterday, I took away all the Xmas decorations from my land. Did the same at the Philbin’s Memorial – and put back some of Cat’s lovely autumn bushes – and at the Almourol Castle (one of these days will have to think on how to change the landscape there. The castle structure fills most of the tiny lil piece of land, maybe I’ll have to strecht it a bit more and add a forest around it, still have to figure out how will I do that, for I don’t want to close down the water courses even if people don’t sail around as much as they used to when Portucalis was a boat friendly place. But this is something to be thought carefully in the months to come).

My land, that is totally another subject. After the Xmas thingies were gone, I got some free prims (and I know I will manage to get some more) and my fingers got itchy with the will to do something now. On one side, I’d like to keep the winter general theme for the time being. On another, I really would like to make something different. Up to now, I’ve limited myself to put up beautiful but rather normal sites. Well, now I think I would enjoy very much to make a unique installation. I know estate owner Miss Magellan will not mind – and also know Petros usually enjoys what I do.

But the fact still remains that I still don’t know exactly what I feel like doing with the space and the prims. To make it more difficult, I do love the lake, the waterworld, the mountain cabin log and the pirate ship. LOL. I know, lots of things that I’d like to keep, for someone who also would like to make something else.

And now that I come to think of it… it totally reflects my state of mind concerning my whole life. Lots of things in it that I would want to keep – but feeling like making a total turn and do something completely different. The question remains, though… what exactly should I do ? Where should I head now ? So many abstract thoughts and ideas running fast on my mind – and yet, not a clue on how to make them real. Either in my FirstLife and in my SecondOne.

I guess… just the usual feeling at the beginning of another year. So many things to do, some at reach of hand, some others far more distant. So little time for everything. If only I knew which way to go…

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As I move forward and learn about the world I realize that in this after-life of mine all I can do is sharing my weak wisdom with the younger ones who still struggle to find themselves and drop on them some useful insights, such as the importance of free-choice. After all, life is just a travel through self-knowledge, and it’s up to each one to choose where to go, when, how and with whom.

Thus, if you want to live, open yourself and let the world come into you. Invite people around you to set home in your heart and pick up some divinity to live in your soul. After that, you will only need to let yourself go. Don’t be afraid of hurting or being hurt – it won’t kill you and it won’t kill the ones around you, it will merely teach you all some lessons about life itself. You will fall, for sure, but you will get up on your feet sooner or later. Face the unknown and challenge it to play with you. And before you know it, you will see how fulfilling it all can be.

Above all – don’t waste too much time thinking. Some of the replies are too complex for us to understand their full meaning, so there’s really no point on asking the questions. Therefore, stretch your wings and breathe in and out, deeply. Silent your mind and open your heart… you’ll do just great !

(so, you may ask, what skills do I have to teach classes on Life ? Well, I’ve been there and I’ve learnt – hope that is enough. No, I am no Guru nor have any diplomas. But I’ve been paying attention for the last 42 years and now – while I wait for the next stage to come – is where I have time on my hands to at least try to help you keeping ghosts and fears out of the way :P)

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