Posts Tagged ‘First Life’

She looked at the abyss opening right before her feet. Deep inside of her, the same words echoed, over and over again “you’re so special to me. I’ve never felt anything like this”.

Yeah, words are so easily said, aren’t they ? And in a way, she understood. Of course we ALL are special to everyone we relate to, we all have roles to play in one another’s lives. So what ? Does that really mean anything special ?

Hands over her ears, she shouted out loud to stop those words. She knew they didn’t have the meaning she wanted them to have, she knew they wouldn’t lead her anywhere. She found herself fighting her dead ends, her own feelings and felt trapped again.

The voices only kept making themselves loud and clearer. “I love you”, they kept saying “why don’t you believe me?”. She didn’t. She had been there and new all about meaningless words that didn’t actually turn into actions.

So she took a step on and left herself fall in the abyss.

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I’m a bit tired, but if I don’t write this right away I know it will join all the other posts I wanted to write and didn’t found the time to do it.

This FL week was not kind to me. More troubles with the IRS Tax guys because of the tax declarations I should have delivered together with my ex-partner. Since he only signed one of the two he had to, and very very recently, I had to pay around 7k euros to the Tax Services. And since he still refuses to reimburse me of the half of the house that we bought together, I even had to face the possibility of selling my own car, which is the only asset I own at the moment (yeaps, he also kept the furniture and all, call me an idiot, I really deserve it, lol).

But then, a old friend offered to borrow some of the money I needed. My darling Petros advanced some more. And even though I will have no Holidays or Christmas fees during the next 3 years or something, at least I hope this is another closed chapter.

Then, with all these things happening (wish it would just all stop once and for all) and my therapist suggesting that I need an urgent break in order to be able to face all these bad news… good things started happening 🙂

In SL, a recent but already very good friend of mine, Dagmar Haiku (who is the adorable tiny elephant fairy godmother in the picture below) encouraged me to take a step I always thought was too far from my poor technical photo skills. More on this one of these days, lol.

When angels turn their back on you

Then, in FL, this amazing colleague of mine dragged me to the theater and to a walk and meditation (while listening to flute and drums) in a nearby mountain – all in the same week! Here’s a small sneak-in of this last event.

Yes, time does fly whenever you’re doing things that fulfill you. And yes, there’s always a friendly hand grabbing yours in times of need.

Not only a bit tired, I feel exhausted and know that I will be in bed really soon. However, I also know that I will fall asleep with a smile on my lips, hope in my heart and very ready to face the two hard working weeks that I have ahead of me. So I raise my eyes to the one who’s keeping an eye on me and say “thank you, from the bottom of my heart – I really needed all this!”

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Having one of THOSE FL work meetings tomorrow stop had no time or patience to write much lately stop hope to come back in full force next week stop in the meanwhile suggest all to hit the MM Board at Junemoon’s and get this awesome sheep with a pot of flowers on his head stop

In love with a sheep (insert banana dance in here)

Belated happy saint patrick’s day everyone stop guess this could also be seen as a Thursday Love post stop will be back on sunday, yaaay! full stop

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My contact list in-world has remained almost unchanged for many months now, except for one or another contact that ends there because I have first met the person elsewhere (oh well, sometimes I meet someone in sites like Flickr, Avatars United or Facebook and THEN we add each other in-world, instead of the other way round which is probably the most common thing to do).

This means that most of my contacts are now eldest people in Second Life. People who were born before me, or at least until the end of 2008… I really didn’t make any accountancy, but I doubt I have someone in my list who was born since the beginning of 2009.

It really didn’t surprised me to watch my remaining friends logging in less and less frequently. I guess that life goes on and people find other interests to explore. Suddenly, Second Life is no longer a novelty, no longer a place where they are able to fulfil whatever it was that first drew them in there.

Mmmm… doesn’t that make you think? You see, in First Life, apart from the need to satisfy your basic needs (food, housing, clothing) you really don’t have a pre-determined goal. There are no “levels” to reach in First Life – or are there? You don’t really need to get anywhere before your neighbour – or do you? *sticks tongue

Well, in Second Life, it looks like everybody comes to a point where they simply demotivate. People go through a bunch of experiences, they meet loads of people, they do things that they would have never dreamt of doing in their First Lives… and then it seems that the mojo is over. That there isn’t anything else left for them there. Most people state that they remain in-world because of their friends. But what if you find better means to get in touch with them ? We all know Second Life is not widely known for its ability in congregating a mid-sized group all together in the same place doing the same thing for more than just a few hours…. they would all start crashing sooner or later, LOL.

Ahem… not too sure whether I am getting to the point. I mean, if First Life is so often demotivating, what makes you go on? How do you find reasons to live day after day? Then, on the other hand, you are offered (for FREE) a whole universe where you can do everything that you want – and you quit because it was no longer interesting? Now, now, what was really the problem there… Is the absence of guidelines/objectives/levels to reach too frightening? Does that leave you at a loss? Aren’t you able to find in-world something else that interests you? I don’t know, isn’t there a project anywhere in your soul that remains to be accomplished?

I understand that the easiest step is to withdraw and look for something else to do with your spare time. But I also know you will not find any other thing as unlimited as Second Life. (Let’s face it, whenever you quit SL, where do you go? What do you do during your online time?)

And more than that… when First Life seems not to be able to offer you something of interest – would you quit it as well, that easily ?

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Is it too early ? Well, I don’t care if it is, LOL. I felt like wishing you all the merriest of Xmas, so here it is !

*waves and gets back to unpacking boxes in her new place *smiles

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Home in SL

Today I returned home in SL. To be totally honest, I cannot quite remember how long had it been since the last time I had been there. For the last couple of months I’ve been passing most of my time in-world at Ephemeria – which no longer exists as I built it.

Life has its own timings, I guess. In a way, it is curious that the same day I signed a new rental in FL, I also receive a note from my SL landlord saying I was delayed in paying the tiers, which I had totally forgotten to do. It’s great that at ACS theya re very organized, that way I could simply remove my things and abandon the land.

Anyway, I couldn’t help finding it a bit odd that I was writing dismissal letters both in FL and in SL. With a mixed feeling of sorrow and hope I became conscious that I am moving on and choosing my path, which I expect will be healthier and happier than this last stage of my life.

In SL, I am obviously keeping my home and land in 100Limite and have no intentions of letting it go. At ground level, I might have my neighbours complaining about my sometimes odd tastes in landscaping and building, but there’s where I will now set up the scenarios for my pictures.

In FL, I am finally going back to a proper appartment, after a year and half in a temporary location which was my refuge from a world that I sensed as a threat but actually looks more like a bunker than like a home, lol. My future bedroom will have TWO windows, and oh boy for someone who hasn’t seen much of the day light at home this is a luxury!

But in a way, I am sorry to leave from there. My current landlord is the mother of a dear friend whom I first met in-world. They were a huge help and probably saved my life… and I mean it literally. They gave me a place to hide when my whole life came apart and my fears overwhelmed my senses.

It’s time to move on, however. Now that I finally accepted that my ex-partner is dishonest enough to want me to pay half the house while he asks the court to grant him the whole place with no reimboursement to me, I had to face the fact that I totally misjudged him and for eight years was able to love him and his daughters dearly. I guess that we all make those kinds of mistakes, once in a while in our lives. In a way, I pity him for not being able to support himself and his family and for having to take advantage of other people in order to fulfil his basic needs.

Me, on the other hand, I am on my feet again, in spite of his attempts to bring me down. I am being helped to trust myself again, and I was lucky enough to find this amazing guy who has been standing by my side in so many dark moments, supporting me in every possible way.

Bah, I didn’t intend o write such a long post lol. I belive I needed to landmark the moment, that’s all. I have my head full of images of my new place now and yeah, some of them are a bit… different, let’s say hehehe. In time and with a lil help I will be able to set it up the way I would like it to be. We shall see. Yesterday, I was smiling just before I fell asleep… you know the feeling when you’re coming back home ?

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Not going to comment any of it, but it surely made me think about a couple of things. Not being online as often as I used to, surely I now have another perspective of the in-world. No doubt it brings us all many things, many experience, expertise of new skills, and opens up our eyes to a lot of things that used to hang around us in more or less unoticeable ways.

I am not going to get into philosophy in here… just read this. It is a perspective. A way to look at it. A way to live it. And a way to die as well.

Carmen Hermosillo – A Virtual Life. An Actual Death:

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26 July ’09

Just because you make me the happiest woman in the world

Just because you make me the happiest woman in the world

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to read this and find out what has been keeping me away. Away from computers, even from work, with my head dancing up high, with the clouds and the sun, the moon and even the rain.

I know that from time to time I will still need to write down something or to take a picture in-world. Now and then, I still recognise a productive thought or idea inside my mind, hehehe. Most of the times, however, my only thoughts are driven to making Piu as happy as he makes me.

Therefore, don’t expect much from me, for the time being. I need some more days to get back to Earth. Or months, maybe. Who knows, I might even need some more… years ?

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Often, being away is what we need to put things on the places they belong, and find our priorities. Mines are very clear – if you don’t see me replying in-world is just because I am only listening to music in there and doing something else.

I am home now, that is all that matters for the time being. And even though home may not be such a magical place as the one in the picture… there is where I belong.


Magic will always live in here - but sometimes all you need is by your side in other levels of your life

Magic will always live in here - but sometimes all you need is by your side in other levels of your life

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