Archive for October, 2008


Some decisions take their time to mature inside of us. They force us going through the pain that the mere thought of taking such a step forward raises inside of us. They make us bearing with the feeling of loss, for every decision is always a loose-loose situation… and yes, sometimes we grow so attached to certain things that they come to be a part of our own selves, as if they were our own blood and flesh and bones and soul.

However, at the end of the day, the only blood and flesh and bones and soul are those we carry inside of us. Thus, nothing that is external to us is in fact that important – but often we need to take some time just to realise it.

My FL work has prevented me from being in-world as much as I used to. Which turned out to be good, for this time-off gave me a different perspective of things. It allowed me to be objective and to re-dimension my priorities.

And no, this is no such thing as a good-bye. Since I chose that my First Life would limit to work and raise this wonderful kid of mine, Second Life stood as the place where I communicate with those few that are worth my time and patience and where I have fun and do the things that I enjoy doing.

This is just my way of ackowledging that after many months I came to a decision. That finally I was able to put it down in words and write it over. And that I feel relieved.


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Because a day is only 24 hours and I have to focus in my FL work right now. Because Bulgaria happens next week and there’s still a lot of things to do.

And yes, also because I am tired. Tired of fighting against injustice, lies, lack of ethics, meanness – well, you name it. After all, everyone seems so happy to keep living in the rotten society they have created, if I don’t belong there why should I bother ? Probably, the only thing I have to do is step aside and let them all share their space with their friends the flies…

Yes, there is so many other things I have to pay attention to – why keep exhausting me, my mind, my strenghts and my finances in something that only gives me back this endless shitty taste in my mouth ?

Yeah… let them drown – most of them know how to swimm, anyway.

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Wondering between several blogs and my own mailbox I read some lines here and there that make me smile (yeaps, with that special sarcastic smile) and remind me of an old song by LeAnne Rimes:

Shame on you, if you fool me once
Shame on me, if you fool me twice

Regret is great only when you mean it. Not pretty at all when it’s but another way of fulfilling someone’s own Agenda. And I wonder what’s the part of “I’m not interested” that some still didn’t understand. Because I am not – not buying anything else besides what I have already, so don’t you waste your time. I surely don’t want to waste mine.

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On show-off

Don’t count me in.

I tend to write my feelings down, it helps me getting them off my chest. I don’t share them with anyone, though. And I surely don’t make a fair out of them.

Always despised those that live on the basis of appearances. Today, I am glad I’m way beyond all that. And that is why I won’t go to the circus today 😉

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Groups are a common issue in-world. Mainly because we have this cap limit of 25, and the LPeople simply won’t allow us to have more.

Groups can be divided amongs many cathegories, but I’ll just keep to one: groups that do mean something to us. Inside of these are obviously included those that we own ourselves. Most of them, we have created them, for one purpose or another. Well, between all the groups in my profile, I am owner of two that I have simply… inherited – “O Caneco” and “Galeria LX” groups. Each of them promote events respectively of a beach club and of a art gallery. Their previous owners have either left the in-world or have chosen other paths. I look at them and know that I am not their REAL owner, just a sort of trust keeper, know what I mean ? I feel that those places – and their groups – that have existed for long now, are temporarily supported and ran by me. They are places and groups which will for sure exist long after I am gone from any world.

Now, back to a particular point: when me, Imso and Winter dissolved our business partnership in-world, at first they told me they would keep the resort, which includes both places, the beach club “O Caneco” and the art gallery “Galeria LX”. As the previous owners had done, the first thing I did was to step down as owner of the groups. Two weeks later, when they decided that after all they didn’t want to keep the resort, I asked Winter to invite me again to the groups and put be back as owner.

When they left Portucalis, I waited that they quit the groups as owners (as you now, this has to be done of their free will). Well, months went by and they didn’t. So I asked them. And I asked them again. Nothing happened, and up to yesterday evening they were still owners fo both groups.

I don’t understand why – but then again, maybe because I’m not the brightest of witches around. They don’t visit the places, they don’t pay for their tiers, they don’t give any ideas on how to run it… with such a shortage of groups I have often wondered why don’t they simply let go.

Yesterday, both groups were used by Imso to publicly advertise Maggies FL burial details. Something with which I strongly disagree, as explained in another post – I don’t feel those are suitable means/channels of communication between FL friends that have an important message to pass between each other. Those two groups include a bunch of people who never knew her, artists, art lovers, party animals, etc… who have joined the group because they had a specific interest in being informed about the activities going on at those two places.

Now… when you choose to go a certain path and leave behind certain places and certain people. When you couldn’t care less about what becomes of them… why would someone persist on keeping the ownership of something as futile as a in-world group ? Oh I know the “O Caneco” group is one of the oldest portuguese groups (if not THE oldest). I know how fancy it is to appear as proprietor of those places (the gallery has this wonderful wonderful “Curator” tag).

I also know appearances are what rule their world. But really… keeping them just to show-off ? To annoy me? To use them as they please for matters that are not the least related to their core existence or worse… MISUSE them to do something that is in my opinion completely unethic and totally non-sense (well, I could also say idiotic, brainless, shallow… you got the picture I think) ?

Yes, I really don’t understand why such sweet, friendly, correct, perfect people keep behaving like this when they think no-one is watching. But no doubt there will be a reason why…

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On inhumanity

My former in-world twin yesterday regretted that I had lost the very last remains of my humanity. Well, sometimes, so did I. But no doubt she has done a great work with her stabbs, and no doubt the results are excellent.

This said, ahead with some futilities. We really can’t expect more of an inhuman witch who’s been dead since June, can we ? 😀

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Yesterday I tried to explain my point about this in the Portucalis blog. Apparently very few understood waht I was trying to say. Mmm… that’s just usual and nothing new on that side. I am used to it – to people simply not understanding or having their own Agendas on different matters, therefore not wanting to understand. I am also used to people messaging me saying they agree with me, though not showing it publicly (no scores on the popularity board, if they did).

But I digress. Now that I’ve slept over the matter and that I have settled down a bit, bear with me and try to see that one thing is provide information about someone’s FL funeral to those who will choose this way to tell Maggie goodbye. Another total different thing is advertising it to the world – in particular, when this goes to a perfect non-sense attitude of sending out notecards with the details to in-world groups of clubs, art galleries and general ones with over 1000 people in it.

It’s common knowledge that tragedy attracts morbid curiosity – have you never slowed down when you notice a car crash somewhere? Just to see if someone got injured, out of plain curiosity, not because you really intend to stop and help? Yes, we are all but humans.

Thus… advertising something like this, I don’t doubt for a minute will drag dozens of people that in fact have nothing to do there. Simply because they never crossed her path, nor even met anyone that was close enough to jsutify their presence. Oh yes, they will come. Expecting to meet some of the portuguese SLebreties face to face. Will there also be any representatives of the media ? By the end of the week we will know whether any journalist was clever enough to study this new “Death in-world” phenomena…

So yes, I feel that some people got way far of good-sense and reasonability and turned her death and burying into a circus. I am sure all the clowns will attend – and of course, a circus is never complete without animals as well. Oh yes, they will be there !

I just hope that all those that received the notice don’t mistake it with the next beach party, and don’t start asking where is the boarding vote. Ah, of course you can spam and tp all your friends in, you won’t want to miss the event of the year, huh ?

That’s what I meant. That her death is not just the next attraction, advertised between a live dj and a halloween party. This is someone who left us for good. So, if you never knew her, don’t you think this is the National Meeting of the Portuguese SL Residents. Use your good sense and keep away. Let those who belong there be there and share their grief with each other. You, who never met her – you don’t belong there !

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Displaying a FL picture in-world is obviously a private choice. Some people have it on their 1st Life tab in their profiles for a number of reasons (I simply got tired of being asked my age over and over again). Some people hang them on their in-world walls, inside their homes (Violeta had this most amazing FL pictures of hers at her place). Some people use them in their business boards (OneSummer has at least one that I find totally delicious).

Margarita never chose this path. Her pictures in-world always were pictures of her avatar. Last friday, when I was told about her being death, I headed to her balcony and rezzed a few of them. Then other people started to come, and one of them rezzed an FL picture. I froze, and felt shocked. I asked around if this was a good idea, and soon realized everyone else thought it was. So I let it stay. I took most pictures I had rezzed into my inventory again and left only one of her avi, which stood there, side by side with her FL one.

I went through both her blogs (her FL blog and her SL blog) and confirmed she didn’t have a single picture of herself. It doesn’t required a deep knowledge of the person she was to get that she was discreet. I still don’t think it was a good idea. I still don’t think she would have liked it. I am sure she knows that those who love her will remember her as she was. I am sure she wouldn’t want those who don’t knew her stare at her image as if she was being exhibited.

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When someone dies – particularly someone who touched you in a special way on time or another in your life – there is no way out to prevent our thoughts to linger on the thought of life.

Some months ago, Petros told me the meaning of life was “42” (for more infos on this, please address to The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, by Douglas Adams) and it helped me moving ahead. At the time, I interpreted it as a sign that many things were yet to start. Very recently, someone actually died… and she was 42. Isn’t life a laugh ?

These last couple of days, all I can think of is… why bother ? Why do we get up early in the morning everyday ? Why do we take care of what we’re supposed to ? Why do we go to work, cope with heavy responsibilities, tend to our employer’s expectations, dry ourselves attending to everyone’s needs? At the end, all of these offer us a feeling of mission accomplished… hummm… and that’s all there is, huh ?

I look at the other side and I watch the bunch of irresponsible people hanging around. Those that don’t do anything, those that keep still and let others take on their responsibilities. Those that live in houses they don’t pay, who don’t work and live on someone elses’s shoulders. I watch as they lead their lives singing and dancing, like the true parasites they are. And yes, they are the ones who are happy and cherished and loved. There is nothing they miss, for everything falls really easily on their lap.

So… at the end I only feel sorry that she was one of the fighters. She should have taken it easy. She should indeed have played with others’ feelings as so often she was accused of. Instead of trying that hard to be a better person each day. At the end of it, all she accomplished was to become the most popular DEAD PERSON within the portuguese in-world and the portuguese SLogsfere. LOL ! If only she knew that she would get exactly the same – if not more! – had she been just another parasite !

Indeed… if life has everything planned. If we get the things we want along with those we don’t want one way or another… why do we even bother ? In reality, each and every thing we may do is simply… useless. The Goddess herself decides what to do of us, therefore no doubt, better keep sitted and let her play.

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@ Ilha Margarita, Portucalis

Tomorrow, I might be able to speak about it. About how injusticed you were, and about hypocrisy. About you never complaining. About you always pretending to be strong and cheerful. About your heart being broken with no mercy and in spite of all that… still you hoped, still you expected.

Tomorrow, maybe I’ll be able to scream and shout and ask everyone where were they all when you celebrated your rezzday and nobody came up. When everyone laughed at your loneliness and nobody cared (yes, I know it’s me who’s angry, not you that are over it all, now – but then again, you were always better than me, nothing more than a wannabe witch, lol)

Maybe tomorrow. Today, I just want you to know that I’ve loved you (yes, also know that you know it) and that I hated you as well. Regrets ? Yes, I do have some. Always thought you should fight more and express you inner feelings more openly. At the end, only remains this feeling of… waste. You, above so many, really deserved to be loved – and so little did you got from what you gave.

Thank you for sharing my lives, Maggie

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